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Brave Rider Academy
I cannot believe what I am about to write – I’ll take you back to Friday night….

I cannot believe what I am about to write – I’ll take you back to Friday night….

 

New Husband and I went over to LMEQ to walk the vomit inducing XC course at approximately 6.37pm, we arrived, found the start, smoked a cigarette and by fence 13 – PITCH BLOODY BLACK!! I was having a mini (internal) meltdown whilst remaining silently cool on the exterior for the purpose of appearing nonchalant to my rock steady husband.  Dinner and bed (an early night… not the norm on, what has been named ‘Pub Friday’ in our usual weekly schedule).  I slept well, woke up not too terrified but I was buggered if I could remember ANY of the jumps past number 2!! – Ah well, I can remember my dressage test – that’s a 3rd of the way down my poorly lit BE road!!!

Having plaited the night before, I re-tapped my stud holes and got him ready for the off.  We arrived in lots of time, I visited the toilet a few times, smoked a few more cigarettes and desperately tried to strap my spurs on through trembling hands and legs!! Having mounted WAY too early, I bobbled about a bit getting used to riding on grass in an outline – Piss poor planning etc….

Into the test, it was *fine*, no more, no less.  I did everything where I should do it but having scored nearly 75% at Novice and Elementary this year, I was annoyed that I hadn’t devoted more time to improving our skills of ‘field dressage’ – 33.6% – Meh… neither happy nor sad over this – I know where I need to improve so I’m trying not to punish myself too much!

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25 minutes later, I was 4 holes shorter in the stirrup and flying a couple of practice jumps, pretty much ready to go in – so I did!!  – 3 practice jumps is enough to not put the willies up us, but enough to have stretched out any post dressage tension.  Surprisingly I remembered where I was going, didn’t fluff too much with him and left him disunited in one corner instead of tampering with the rhythm – wrong or right – it got us round CLEAR!!! I ACTUALLY COULDN’T BELIEVE IT!!!!!

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Now onto my doom…

I was TERRIFIED, I mean literally on the verge of tears.  I had looked at the course pictures and had a pretty good idea of the route but it wasn’t helping my fragile confidence.  Just re-living this now is making me need a poo! I got him ready with the help of my trusty pal and escort for the day and tried to have a bite of banana – NO CHANCE… queue the first gag reflex!!!

Down at the warm up I put my number down and jumped 3 practice jumps (worked for us in the SJing!!) and just walked around trying not to spew bile all over his mane.  The straps of my back protector forcing the vomit into my chest I wasn’t at all ready to go. “Number 123, can you make your way to the start please?” F~@cking NO, I cannot!! I want to go home now please.

The countdown of a minute felt like an eternity, I explained to the counter downer that I wanted to get off and go home now please, she wished me luck – That was it… 5,4,3,2,1…crack crack of the whip on my poor horses arse (mainly for my benefit) and we were FLYING…

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Every stride down to the first fence felt AMAZING, we were galloping, flying and soared over the first  fence – it was the best bloody feeling in the whole world.  The second, a set of HAYGAIN steamers, I was worried about him looking at so one more bum smack and he flew it… The rest of the way around I felt like 3, 4, 5, 6 and 7 – the steps, flew by without blinking.  8 (the corner) I was worried about, no need – he was bloody flying. The horse that XC schooled like a 4 year old only a fortnight before, felt like an absolute machine – I screamed “Good Boy!” and “YIP YIP!” at the top of my lungs before and after every fence!!! Nothing was a problem for this horse today, nothing – we flew down the home straight over 15, 16 and finally 17 – I let out the biggest wail of joy you have ever heard and then through my horrendous unfit heavy breathing, cried like a baby!!! I dived off, undid everything – NEVER in my life have I felt love for an animal like I did, right at that moment. (Christ, I’m now at my desk in a communal office – CRYING!! SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!) My horse, Me, we were doing it – actually achieving what we set out to in tremendous style.

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Back at the box, pony sorted, New Husband and top buddy came running over – I was currently in 3rd place!!! Bloody 3rd place!!!!!!! I didn’t want him standing on the box all day so we decided to take him home and I would come back for the score draws… Driving back, convincing myself that the rest of the section would have overtaken me by now – I was ridiculously delighted to see ***5th*** by our names!!! We came 5th…. Our first EVER one day event, affiliated too – I was beaming – donning 2 rosettes and a great bag of prizes, I drove home – Couldn’t resist going back to the yard to tell Pat the Pony how amazing he was and give him an extra carrot.

We are 3 days on and I still feel on top of the world, pride and happiness over what we achieved – what I have achieved.  I overcame some SERIOUS anxiety to even fill out the entry form, let alone give it everything we had on the day.  I just want to say a remarkably HUGE thank you to everyone that has offered words of support, well-wishers, wine bringers, to my long suffering husband and team of friends for listening to my woes and mostly to my horse – he is, after all, the best thing I have ever encountered, in the world, EVER.

Gin and Tramadol…. A cocktail of success!!!

What a weekend!! Let’s start from Wednesday night where the plans to run through my Novice and Elementary tests for Sunday were planned.  I left the office, grabbed my breeches from the car and strolled over to get changed.  One leg in, two legs in, yank on the too tight breeches… TWANG!!!! My lower back left me in a crumpled screaming heap on the toilet floor.  An hour on the tens machine and a glass of wine from super nice yard owners and I was on the horse – only able to walk.

Drat and blast… I had entered 2 bloody shows and paid upfront for them for this weekend!! I wasn’t even the slightest bit relieved that I might have a ‘get out of jail free card’. I rested, tens machined and iced it for 2 days, the more I moved about, the better it got – enough to run through the tests on Friday night but sadly, no jump practice ready for Saturday!

The day dawned, I had my times for the 80 and 90 cm classes and I wasn’t set to face my doom until 3.30… *all day to worry about it… Bloody Marvellous* I was SICK to my stomach with nerves, literally – I took 2 Imodium caplets, a tramadol and bought 2 Gin and Tonic ready mixed cans from the garage which I downed on the way to the yard and smoked half a pack of cigarettes!!

I arrived and the nerves were still leaving me utterly hopeless. I couldn’t remember the course at all, I watched about 20 other horses go and it WAS NOT HELPING! I heard the gate lady shouting my number, ARSE BAGS…. Kick kick off we go… as if by some wondrous miracle, I made it over the first 6 fences clear and into the timed area which I went no quicker for!!  I just went for the steady clear, mainly based on the fact that, any quicker and I would have been sick!  I had an unfortunate pole and a very steady time but I DID IT!!!!! Totally elated I very nearly quit whilst I was ahead and cancelled the 90cm entry but it started quick smart and I felt pressured into ‘manning up’.

Well, would you believe it … I only bloody did that one as well!!! Another silly pole down where I got in a bit close but we bloody did it, we jumped the biggest course we had done in 10 years, with a dodgy back and blurred gin goggles on!!! WOOOHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I hacked home with the biggest grin and the biggest hangover forming!!

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SUNDAY FUNDAY… I was MUCH less worried about the dressage on Sunday.  Way more in our comfort zone so I will keep it brief… I went in winging it slightly after a short warm up and not really knowing the tests but he was soft, rideable and fitting an elementary into a 20×40 wasn’t nearly as bum squeezy as I thought-  so here goes nothing –  I ONLY BLOODY WON BOTH CLASSES! I hit a 72 in the novice with 9s for the FWLR and 67% in the Elementary even with a 4.5 for an egg shaped circle and an error of course 😉   I literally couldn’t be happier – The best weekend in a very long time!!! The end!!!

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I’ve only gone and done it!!!

Well that’s is… My feet are wet, I’ve jumped in with them both!

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In actual fact, it’s not my feet that are wet, it’s my palms and my forehead, I’m sat at my desk looking at last years course photos, already choosing the one I might die at. With any luck I’ll get balloted anyway as there are 126 in the class!!

Jumping session tonight before our clinic tomorrow, might brave something bigger than a 1ft.6 cross pole, I’ve got spare pants in the car!

 

Give me a hand out of this hole will you?!

So, a bit of a sorry state of affairs after my run of cast iron balls activities. First off, I was massively on the up after my ‘mock hunting’ experience so thought this would make day to day riding, clinics and popping a small fence in the school a doddle. With the right mind set, I entered for a show jumping clinic at Brinsbury College and when asked what height I wanted to jump – very boldly wrote back 90cms!!! WTF was I thinking (scuse’ the language). I know this might not seem a huge feat to most of you but when New Husband put a 70cm jump up in the arena to practice over for the big day – I just wanted to get off. I almost cried and almost certainly had a change of undies looming.

Saturday morning came and I was literally white as a sheet walking down the field to retrieve my poor horse! I gave him a small calmer syringe (Lord knows why I didn’t syringe it – and the rest of the pack of 3 – straight into my own mouth!). I got all my gear on – Jumping saddle (borrowed from a friend), branded jacket (from days gone by when I didn’t tremble so often) and my new INVINCIBILITY BOOTS**. – We certainly looked the business!! On arrival I was delighted to see the jumps were tiny and the 2 people in the group before me hitting the deck and getting up laughing! PHEW!

We went in, perfect dressage moves across the arena, mediums all intact, counter canter, flying change *SHOW OFF ALERT* but then I remembered why we had come and began over a cross pole that my cat could have jumped over, clinging onto the neckstrap – breathing a sigh of relief over not dying, I jumped a few single fences before being picked out of the group as the first course jumper. Well… they were 85cms, I didn’t faint, I didn’t cry, I kept a nice rhythm, put my leg on where I needed to and got each jump foot perfect. I literally couldn’t have been happier – jumped the course once more in the session and because of how thrilled I was to be alive, I decided to quit while I was ahead!!

I hacked home with a grin on my face as the tension pains in my chest subsided, another happy outing doing something out of my comfort zone!

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Next stop DRESSAGE. A competition environment where I feel a little more confident in our capabilities. We have 2 competition days in a row – day one is 2x Novice tests and day 2 is a Novice and Elementary! I have also found a chum to buddy up with at a Hunter trial on 2nd Oct and I absolutely MUST get XC schooling at Littleton before the fateful BE day! Please hold my hand!!

**INVINCIBILITY BOOTS – The box arrived and the first word I read on it was Cognac… I thought my luck was changing and they came with a free bottle. Alas, it was the colour – I have been through pairs of death boots before and these looked not all that dissimilar. BUT…they haven’t once made my feet pound with circulation loss. I feel invincible in them – I put one foot in, zipped them up and it was like someone had melted them to my legs – they are grippy, elegant and described as “perfect choice for any top-level rider.” WELL THAT’S ALL RIGHT THEN!!!!!

To get yourself a pair of INVINCIBILITY BOOTS, go to Ariat and look up the ‘Challenge Contour Square Toe’ they are worth every penny!

A little delayed to see whether I survived ….

A little delayed reply as I wanted to see whether I survived this weekend or whether my poor husband was drafting up my premature headstone.

A few updates on the cards; NO.1 – I had the almightiest of meltdowns at the beginning of this month, I was scared, tired, and dealing with a few personal worries which meant I couldn’t function within 3 feet of my saddled up steed.

I cried more than most months over my sheer lack of nerve, tears of frustration looking at photos of my once ballsy self, flying over fences and timber out hunting brought it home that I need to seriously consider giving this sport up. After copious amounts of NZ Sauvignon and a stern talking to from various chums – I finally began to pull myself together.

NO.2 I moved the pony. From a dressagey environment with limited turn out and barely hacking through fear of a nearby train line, to a much more laid back place where I have since hacked more times than I have all year. Pat the Pony has calmed down to a kickable lump and I have felt braver, less nervous and in turn, entered a hunt ride for this Saturday (just gone!).

Saturday came, I frequented the downstairs loo 4 times before I left the house and my uneaten toast remained on the kitchen side.

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I tacked up and hacked the 1.5 mile path to what felt like my untimely death. He stood at the ‘meet’ with 70 other horses and took off like a rocket when we set off.

I spent all morning up at the front of the ride, as the pace was pretty fast and slippery footing meant I wanted a good run at the JUMPS!!! – (YES… THERE WERE JUMPS!!!)

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I clutched the neck strap over tiger trap after tiger trap, we soared over ditches and galloped with no brakes – I felt BLOODY FANTASTIC.
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I’m literally sobbing with pride, covered in gooseys typing this out – I never thought I would ever do anything like this again! I have been on cloud 9 ever since and now I feel I can actually do this, might I be an ‘eventer’ by next season? – I just might!
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Was this pure coincidence or were the new found balls courtesy of my beautiful new boots? See here for more details on the Ariat challenge contour boots!!!

 

 

IT’S BEEN A FUNNY FEW WEEKS ……

First off… forgive me if midway through, the flow of this is interrupted – just browsing the BE options for my first event in what seems like an eternity is loosening my bowels somewhat.

So, it’s been a funny few weeks – No.1 I got married, without hitch or hiccup, No.2 I had a blissful 12 days in Dominican Republic on my honeymoon and thirdly, whilst in the Caribbean I had a monumental psychological breakthrough.

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Picture this; lying on a massage table, nothing but the sound of the air-conditioning unit whirring and my new husband breathing all too loudly on the bed next to me, I had a revelation. I began a thought process that put me in the XC start box, being counted down and feeling the elation of having got through the dressage without leaving the boards and round the swim of coloured jumps without jabbing my horse in the chops too many times. I was there, just like I used to be – EXCITED, not scared, not vomiting, no stains in my under garments. Long story short, away from reality – I was totally and utterly ready for it!

I came back Saturday morning after a dog of an overnight flight and remained positive… I asked new husband (NH) to come and get some video of me sailing over some terrifyingly bright Jumpstack clad bales and poles… tiredness took over ENTER: excuse No.1: the poor pony, having had 2 weeks off getting fat(ter) would surely die of shock if, all of a sudden, I decided to become Mrs M King whilst on holiday! – We’ll leave it for one night in the week and lunge the poor sod instead!

And to today – For the first time in years I clicked that over anticipated link on the BE website – FIXTURES and chose my fate. I am reluctant to say it out loud, like the date of your driving test, in case you over egg it and let everyone down but here goes nothing…. Littleton Manor Equestrian Centre 8th October. It gives me exactly 74 days, 11hours and (as of this terrifying moment) 45 minutes to not die choking on my own vomit or of starvation unable to eat for fear!

Please hold my virtual hand as I click through the entries procedure – In for a penny in for (jeez… BE has got expensive!) a pound?!

Bye for now …xx