Lately, the thought of ‘blogging’ on social media gets me in a total spin. The fear of posting stuff someone might not like makes my heart race.
I’ve been writing on various platforms for three years but still I can’t ignore this feeling… that’s when it hit me; What the actual sh*tsticks are you even doing it for?
Out with the old
I don’t post for the affirmation that I once needed to help my fragile confidence, it’s also not to keep sponsors happy. It’s certainly not to attract more companies or to try and make a living. The reality is, I post to shed light on situations and make things clear in my own mind. I share things that I think other people might be struggling with (in hope I’m not alone) and might benefit from, but most of all I share things that I feel proud of and that make me feel nice inside.
And there it is, the reason I haven’t posted for a while… I don’t feel as though I have done anything lately to feel proud of and guess what… THAT’S JUST BLOODY NORMAL LIFE VIC!!!
You can’t be going out all the time and coming home with photo after photo of smiling at events and posing with rosettes, I can’t afford that lifestyle and instead of getting bitter about it, I’ve decided to take a stand.
In with the new
I’ve decided that from now on, I’m going to find my ‘wins’ elsewhere. Two barrows of poo picking every day for three days is going to now be a new win – maybe not an instagram-able one, but still a win!
This weekend, I took Pea out to our first dressage, £26 for two tests at our local venue. I did two prelims, and she placed 3rd and 4th in those classes. I didn’t share this on Facebook because I was a bit embarrassed to. I felt as though it wasn’t worthy, that I didn’t do anything remarkable that anyone would want to read about. But for me, it was remarkable and I shouldn’t have felt that way.
Taking the time out to school at home, to ride when I wanted and not because I was chasing eventing fitness regimes, and to actually ENJOY my horse, has been really great for our relationship.
I have always struggled to maintain my composure on the flat with Pea but since I’ve taken the pressure off and I have been doing it for love, taking away the constant chasing of goals, we have smashed it. We have made years of progress in weeks and that is what really matters to me.
What really matters is my horses are happy and that I am also happy. I have felt much less fraught about things since getting off the hamster wheel of documenting EVERY little detail. I’m happier than ever in fact and this is shining out of my horse every time I ride.
Keeping it up and keeping it real
So, I am going to be posting more, but I’m absolutely not promising that it is going to be a glossy picture with beautiful brands and heavy editing. I’ve fallen out of love with it all, it’s not real life – it’s a fake, edited life and I want to create something I look back on and feel proud of for ME being ME.
My life is not glossy, I look like cr*p most of the time, I pick up poo and pull out ragwort and rarely wash my hands (even after a wee), I wash my sh*t caked horse rugs in the same machine as my clothes and I don’t actually care who knows it anymore!
Real life is what I have the capacity and love for now, Instagram is amazing for escapism and I’ll enjoy the filters on there as much as the next person but that is not how I want my life to be. I like smelling a bit fusty and I really don’t mind leaving my hair unwashed for a week! – If you do mind, I would advise not visiting back here for a while!
All my unwashed love
Vic, Pat and Pea