A battle with the ‘F’ word.
You know sometimes when you sit and think for too long, you talk yourself in and out of decisions, you feel confused and need guidance on which way to turn?
The decision to leave that job you hate, to get married, to start a family, to try something that has an end result that is out of your control, leaves a seed (or boulder) of doubt or uncertainty. That is inevitable and anyone that tells you otherwise is bolder than the boulder itself…
My battle with fear has taken on many forms this year and it’s only March. My main concern used to be a fear of f*cking up, of disappointing people and not doing as well as I know I can, and now, well now I couldn’t give two sh*ts about ballsing it up. I’m now scared of hurting myself, more than I ever have been. I’m scared I might fall off, and I felt it tonight like a hammer to the skull!
I actually said out loud to my fresh as a fart horse “please don’t do that, you’re frightening me!!” He didn’t reply, obviously ? but I didn’t feel in control and that’s what I was most scared of.
Bottom line is… with horses, YOU WILL NEVER BE 100% IN CONTROL. Unless they’re dead or heavily sedated! You must learn a way of embracing that feeling of being a little bit out of control and I had mastered that last year. I loved galloping in a big field LOVED it, so that’s what I need to do. Learn to love being a little bit out of control again.
Fear takes many forms and it changes faces often too, rationalise what it is you are actually afraid of and deal with it, don’t let it rule your life.Don’t let fear be the reason you didn’t take that opportunity, enter that show, marry that person… who knows, sticking a finger up to fear might just be the best thing you’ve ever done!!!Love as always
Vic and Pat